There · is · a · She · Devil · on · my · Sofa

This morning: I hate my phone.

Come to think of it I hate my phone most mornings but particularly when it gets me up from bed for things...

I have a love hate relationship with technology. For many years I would avoid all the new fangled gadgets simply for the fact that I couldn’t be bothered with them. Why would I want a little digi box that will contain all my music when a walkman would do just fine. Why would I want an information super-highway when I can pop into the library for no cost; and why oh why would I want to jump into a V.R. machine when I can get as much fun out of a cardboard box?!

V.R. Machines... remember them? A slightly clunkier version of World of Warcraft, where you were not just sucked into an unreal world, but with those headsets you became a complete fashion victim.

I have recently however fallen victim to the gadget bug and I put this down to one overriding defect in my personality. I am a boy. Not only that I am a very immature boy. I am now dazzled by shiny new gadgets in the same a magpie goes googly-eyed over a piece of tinsel.

What has happened to me?!

My Amazon wish lists now resemble the contents of Stuff magazine. I want a DV camera, the new ipod nano, hell even an ipod touch. I find myself wandering into Apple Stores to peruse Mac computers and I secretly dream of owning an iphone! I mean come on! I’m the chap that didn’t get an mp3 player until 3 years ago and my first and only ipod was bought refurbished for God’s sake!

I put this new hunger for technology down to my new phone. Until recently I have had the same phone since my first year at University; an old Samsung about the size of a matchbox. It has done me well over the years, even with an almighty crack in the screen. It sent texts and received and made calls. That is all I needed. The only reason I upgraded was to lower the cost of my bill. One of the free phones on offer for upgrading was another Samsung phone. But this one had a touch screen.

Ooooh...!

I still cannot remember what type of Samsung it is. I’m going to google it now. Here we go... a Samsung S5600. Normally I wouldn’t have gone for it, but the opportunity to get a touch screen phone as part of a free upgrade? I wass old. I could be part of the cool gang finally!

It was a pain in the arse to get used to typing on a screen instead of the tried and tested, and let’s face it, reliable formula of keys but I have to admit it, I got hooked! I loved the camera, the video capabilities and the mp3 player all wrapped into one neat little package. The thing even has a button which can make it do a fake call to your phone! Perfect when you want to get out of talking to anyone you don’t want to, which in my case means the whole human race.

Then I discovered the dark side of this phone; not just a dark side but a fucking evil side.

I used my old phone as an alarm clock for getting up to work as I’m sure most of you did and still do. I saw no harm in doing the same thing with this swanky new model, making me extra cool in the mornings as it did whenever I whipped it out during the day. Now most phone alarms can be turned off with a simple whack of a button.
Not so the Samsung S5600! Oh no!

When the alarm goes off on this phone, it pulls up a pretty animate display picture with a little line across it that you have to drag your finger over to switch it off. But not only that, it doesn’t just stick to one display; it likes to alternate making the line either an upturned semi-circle or a full one; meaning that you have to wake yourself up enough to follow the lines to switch the little shit off.

Now when I’ve just woken up, mostly to go to work the last thing I want to do in the haze of sleep is to solve puzzles from the Krypton Factor! But I see a fiendish plan developing here instigated by THEM (come on we all know who THEY are!) to make us feel guilty about using the snooze button.

Each time we want to press it the puzzle on the phone screen gets even more complicated to the point we will be playing ten rounds of Tetris in order to stop the alarm tone from constantly ringing. Its either that or lose the phone that makes you so cool by flinging it against the wall, making it unlikely you’ll get a free replacement due to self-inflicted damage.

Bastards!

Eventually the alarm puzzles will be so complex that sleep will be eliminated altogether, making us vulnerable to a fascist takeover of Britain or a Zombie plague. And as the living dead munch on our entrails we will be ok; for as we die, we will use our brand new Smartphones to text our loved ones goodbye, and look fucking hip and with it in the process.

But I’ll still take my phone out with me today, nestled gently in my inside coat pocket. But today will be different as I will plaster a sign to my forehead with the words “Walking Lunch” in big red letters.

I love technology for its shiny goodness; but know that one day it will fuck us all over!

Hey chaps!

Back again after a small quiet period. The permanent job hunt continues though thankfully I am getting regular temp work which considering how things are is a blessing really.

But I'm keeping busy as Cold War Burlesque continues to take shape and tickets are now on sale. If you are interested you can find them right here: http://store.missychangos.co.uk/product_info.php?products_id=353&osCsid=e1e30f7fe0f87eaa3f4f06c68249c0e2

Ok, thats the gross advertising out of the way.
So what banal things have I been up to, that you couldn't possibly give two hoots about but I'm sure to bang on about anyway?

Comics.

I said I was going to try and get my comic geekiness back up a notch and thanks to The Works in Wolverhampton stocking a great supply of trade paperbacks every month, and DC currently producing some awesome comics right now, my geekiness has somewhat exploded.

This is due partly to Geoff Johns and his work on Green Lantern, a hero I'd never given much attention to before and, with every knowledge I'm jumping on a bandwagon,its fucking brilliant! His work on the Justice Society of America trades I've bought have just cemented my estimation of his sheer gift for writing superheroes. I currently have his 52 Booster Gold pickup on the go, despite not having read any 52, (though they did have all four volumes in the works at bargain price, but some git got them before I did) He has my attention and now the contents of my wallet every month.

In other news me and Bek have finally got the flat in some sense of order as the spare room is now decorated and the new bookshelves are up. This meant I could finally unpack my shit that had been gathering dust in cardboard boxes and put it all on display. Let me tell you I took great satisfaction in chucking those fucking boxes in the bin afterward.

This weekend is going to be fun as I compere another Dr Sketchy's in Birmingham with Missy Malone headlining which will be fun, as its always good to catch up with Missy.

Before I dash heres a trailer, sneakily filmed at Comic Con for what looks to be a cult classic. The comic it is based on is terrific and the film looks just as demented.

Check out KICK-ASS!

I am going to this and going for the full weekend!

Recession - you 'aint going stop me from being a geek!

http://www.thecomicsshow.co.uk/

Hey there LJ!

Long time no see!

I seem to appear on here for promotional reasons rather than personal these days and I think this entry is not going to be the exception to the rule.

The big news is that me and a mate are putting on a show.

A Burlesque show.

Oh yes.

I've gone from compere to organizer.

But in truth this is just a one off as I am not in it to make profit or an ongoing night; This is being done purely for fun and as such we have called in a lot of favours but I think the result will surprise you.

So without further ado I present to you:





Intrigued?

The idea came about from working at one of the regular nights I used to compere for. Another Birmingham compere, called El Kapitan, was asked to provide security at this particular night as he is rather tall and quite imposing. (or so he likes to think but hes a big fluff bag really.)
Mike (his real name) was more than happy to do it, but being a theatrical sort of chap he decided to make things interesting and created a bodyguard persona in the form of Vlad, an ex KGB agent. What was supposed to be a one off gag, became a crucial and well loved feature of the show. Over time my compere persona, The Decadent Gent formed a comedy partnership with Vlad that crossed into other shows I was asked to compere, and this butting heads relationship became something we both enjoyed enormously.

After ceasing my working relationship with this show (long story) me and Mike felt that we wanted to carry on the relationship between Vlad and DG, so one morning in a small cafe (the type of place where plans like this come together) we came up with Cold War Burlesque.
A one off night in which we have a UK team of ladies led by me and USSR ladies led by Vlad, with the show being a battle of wills between Vlad and DG, the overall winner being decided by the audience.

This also gives us to burlesque the cold war itself and recent history between the UK and Russia.

Its taken over my life at the moment but the creative juices are flowing with all sorts of ideas for promotion including a specially made comic book which will feature every performer on the bill to be sold before and at the show.

There are so many ideas going on behind the scenes and we have gathered an amazing line up, so if anyone is free on October 10th and in Birmingham, come along and join us for the revolution!



Ta ta for now!

My ipod has died.

It has now joined the choir invisible from which it had been briefly plucked when I bought it originally from the used ipod store on Apple's website. It didn't just decide to die suddenly oh no, it decided to wipe itself clean of all my songs, then ONLY then, after that prolonged bout of thrashing it fizzled out of existence.

As you can imagine I was a trifle miffed.


So I'm scouring ebay trying to get a replacement as I certainly cannot afford a brand new one. It's rather surprising how many 4th gen ipod nanos are online starting at 99p. Well most of them do have a 6 day listing on them but hey, it may be possible to get one at a fairly cheaper price than retail.

I remember when the ipod first came out. I loathed the idea of them, thinking them pretentious and a waste of money when you can use a walkman (oh irony!)
Now I love the little bastards; They satisfy the newly developed techo-geek side of my nature.I need to shut out the sounds of the world whenever I'm on public transport as the increasing number of mobile phone ghetto blasters is on the increase and make reading nigh on impossible. I like switching off with music, audiobooks and podcasts. I dont want to be left with my thoughts all the time, heaven knows that is a dangerous thing!

I have been adding more and more podcasts to my subscriber's list in amongst BBC Comedy's podcast and The Archer's.(Yes go on, you may gaffaw, but in this noisy world it's nice to shut it out with the sound of sheep bleating!)
They are mostly geek orientated one of my favs being Comic Racks by LJ's own Stacebob. It's very informative, highlights how far behind I am in the comic world and just very funny! Makes me want to add a new podcast to my to do list as I have Tassel Time uploaded in a bigger and better fashion on itunes; (P.S. Check out the new website www.tasseltime.net) My Radio Detective parody series is taking shape but I want to do something more personable. No idea what though, will have a think.

I'm seem to be suicidal in adding things to my ever growing to do list as me and fellow Burlesque compere El Kapitain have plans afoot of the show variety. Watch this space!


Oh and in other news,life is good.

Ok, in light of all the advertising posts I thought I'd post a real entry to prove I am alive and not a marketing whore!

As you can see my podcast output has gone up a notch into the realms of light speed!

I had a marathon interview session on Monday in London with pretty much the entire cast of Immodesty Blaize's Tease Show (excluding Immodesty herself, Mr Clary and Mr Almond) Never had to interview so many people in one setting, coming out at me like they were on a conveyor belt.

It was fun though.

This Saturday I will be hosting the Burlesque Show at the Rocket Club in Birmingham (oh dear marketing gene alive again!) and the day after will be my birthday.

Twenty Four years old!

Bring on the trumpets!

In the second of our special series of episodes, Tassel Time goes behind the scenes at the biggest UK Burlesque event of the year, The Tease Show presented at the KoKo in Camden by former Tassel Time guest Immodesty Blaize, and our guest for this episode is US Performer Kalani KoKonuts!

Performing from a young age Kalani KoKonuts has established herself as a premiere act on the US Burlesque scene. Wowing the crowds at The Tease Show last year with her extraordinary Geisha act, she makes a triumphant return to the KoKo stage and sat down to chat with me The Decadent Gent on Tassel Time…

Pop along to www.tasseltime.net to listen to the episode online or click on the link on the page to go to itunes to download the episode for free!

In the first of a special series of episodes, Tassel Time goes behind the scenes at the biggest UK Burlesque event of the year, The Tease Show presented at the KoKo in Camden by former Tassel Time guest Immodesty Blaize, and what better way to begin than with one of the stars of the show, the legendary Catherine D’Lish.

Catherine D’Lish is quite simply royalty in the International Burlesque scene.

Performing in varied venues for nearly twenty years, she is regarded by her peers as a “striptease virtuoso”. A recipient of over thirty titles including Miss Exotic World ’92 and ’94, Miss Erotic World, Showgirl of the Year and rather unique Miss Nude Redhead Universe, she continues to tour the world and after rehearsals for the Tease Show she sat down with The Decadent Gent to talk about her career on Tassel Time…

The podcast can be heard online at http://www.tasseltime.net/ or by typing "Tassel Time" into itunes.

Keep the tassels twirling!

The Decadent Gent

Hi Guys and Dolls!

The Decadent Gent here bringing you the exciting news that Tassel Time the Ministry of Burlesque Podcast has returned with it's very own website!

http://www.tasseltime.net/

To sweeten the deal we have TWO BRAND NEW EPISODES featuring Burlesque Living Legend The World Famous *BOB* and UK sensation Missy Malone!

As if that wasn't enough we are back on itunes!

So if you click onto the website follow the link on there which will take you to itunes land where you can download the latest and previous episodes for your listening pleasure!

Check it out and keep the Tassels Twirling!

DG

There is something both equally irritating and hilarious about being in a bank on the day of the most anti-banking protests this country has ever seen...

Yes April Fools day I was on the third floor of One Colemore Square, which is home to Barclay's Wealth. The part of Barclay's bank that looks after very very wealthy people's accounts including certain Z grade celebrities. I wasn't in London, but Birmingham which didn't see any protest action but the plasma screens on walls had Sky News beaming live coverage all day while I was working.

When your the post boy, you get to hear snippets of all the dialogue that goes on. Some of what I heard that day made me want to scream knee jerk liberal statements and some I had to stifle sheer laughter.

Let me be clear about the type of people that work for Barclay's wealth.

:Many are Tories if not all.(That is not a generalization on my part but a stated fact.)

:Many are wealthy themselves and look upon this job of theirs as "killing time".

:All of the men have been to public school or are ex Sandhurst attendees.

I think you can see the picture I am painting?

One particular chap by the name of Rupert comes to mind to illustrate the scene further. Rupert is an Etonian, former Sandhurst, and I suspect by the regalia ring on his left hand a Mason. He is rather tall, supremely arrogant, fox hunter and he has a little lackey by the name of Thomas (who I suspect was his fag at Eton)a man who's parents didn't believe in television when he was growing up and so the big moving pictures on the wall are just as fascinating as when Cavemen invented the wheel.

But anyway...

Rupert, who's attention that day was focused on shots of the protesters outside RBS said to Thomas "I would just love to walk into that filthy rabble and shout "Get a Job!"" to which Thomas guffawed and replied "Oh Rupert your so right!"

After sometime of working in this environment I felt now was the time I had to say something. So I said quite calmly "I think you'll find ninety-nine percent of them actually have a job." To which Thomas glared at me and Rupert turned rather slowly and gave me a derisory smirk before chatting further to Thomas about "Bolshevik scum."

This was one of many snide comments coming out of the mouths of these over pampered Tory boys and me a sometime lefty or anarchist (depending on which side of the bed I get up on in the morning) listening with both disgust and hilarity at some of the arrogance and sheer stupidity on display.

I suppose working in such an environment I shouldn't be so surprised of what I saw and heard. But I would've loved to be in the banks in London on that day. Especially RBS as they kicked the doors in. Ever heard of the Wolf at the door Rupert? I think you'll find the rest of the pack has come to visit too.